imaginist | ic spam @e.waldinger

According to my observations, there is remarkably little shame among our coworkers. You stayed off the network, then?

I checked it a few times and always regretted it immediately.

You respect people's boundaries. Unfortunate. [...] I logged off today. Your DM notification was the first time I've looked at the network in hours.

That's not even it, I'm just not built to handle this amount of secondhand embarrassment.

You're smarter than me. Or maybe just a whole lot busier than me. [...] Did you get any sleep last night?

They made the choice to be embarrassing. It's actually supportive to witness it.

~~Neither, actually.~~ Strategic coffee naps. Now, whether it's smart to have consumed as much caffeine as I have in the past two days is another matter.

Too bad. It makes me cringe so I can't look at it.

No judgement from me. Are you still wound up?

Alright, but if ever you want gossip about a particular person, let me know. I wrote a program that records all viewable messages, tagging them with the person sending the message, the person(s) receiving it, and any names mentioned, for easy filtering later.

~~I'm f~~ [...] Yes. Are you?

Oh, God. I don't know if you should have that technology.

A little, yeah.

IT can always tell me to take it offline, if they notice. But I should be allowed to read when people are talking about me.

I'll be monitoring the rift for a little while longer. Just making sure it's really over.

Is that all you're using it for?

Extremely prudent of you. Don't pass out at your desk.

Do you want to know what people are saying about you?

I could leave early, if given sufficient reason.

Absolutely not.

Not so prudent of you.

Well. That's some of the content I've been enjoying.

You think I should stay, then. Keep watching the little numbers go up and down.

Are you going to get a push notification every time someone says I have bad hair now?

I didn't say that.

That would be excessive. Someone makes fun of your hair at least every other day.

What are you saying, then?

Yeah. Nobody wants to read that.

I'm saying I think you should ignore the interdimensional rift in the sky and pay attention to me instead.

I'm developing an algorithm to quantitatively assess each comment and plot them on a graph, as an objective measure of the quality of your bleachings. But that's just for my personal records.

I see. Did you get any sleep last night?

Crysta wants to make it blonder.

Not really, but I took an ill-advised nap at 2pm so I'm not tired.

I'd like to see that.

I can think of a few ways to tire you out, if you need.

She also wants to give me a mohawk, so I have to be careful.

Are any of them fun?

Now I'm imagining the data I could collect if you had a mohawk.

Would I, after 32 hours of monitoring the rift and being asked to pay you attention instead, attempt to trick you into doing menial labour for the party I'm throwing next weekend? Does that sound like me?

It would definitely get people talking.

It sounds exactly like you, yeah. But I’m still holding out hope that if I do the menial labor without complaining I might eventually be rewarded for good behavior.

They might even be complimentary. You never know.

If you believe that not complaining is what I'm looking for when I force you to jump through hoops for my amusement, you would be incorrect. I need the torture to be a little effective.

Try harder, then.

Meet me at my apartment. I'll put you to work.

ic spam @e.waldinger

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