imaginist | ic spam @e.waldinger

Yes. Not a single funny speech the entire day. [...] There's a reason why you and most of his actual friends weren't invited. They wanted to remember him a particular way.

You don't think it's bizarre? Because I do.

I'm sorry. We should have done something for him here, too. ~~That first month was~~

It's a little bizarre. [...] But I know you put a lot of the blame on him at the beginning and I wasn't sure you'd be able to move past that, even considering the circumstances.

God, no. I know he deserved better, but that would've been unbearable.

I was never that upset with Parson. I just wanted to see what he'd do. [...] Which sounds horrible of me, I suppose.

Why?

It doesn't. [...] Like you said, it's a novel situation. The usual schema for grief isn't a perfect fit.

Because it just would've been. ~~Even you pulled away because you~~ [...] I don't need a memorial to remember him. I see him all the bloody time.

The problem with a novel situation is that I don't know what to do about it. [...] I should sleep.

~~Do you mean y~~ It's not just about remembering him. It's about doing it together.

Sleep is usually a good first step. [...] Are you going to?

[...]

Yes. Unless you want to talk about how you're feeling instead.

~~Am I going to get the chance to talk to you about this later, or~~ [...] I've been [...] lonely. I feel very isolated here, which is my own fault. I cut a lot of people off when the station shut down. I just couldn't deal with it. And now I'm in this hole I can't get out of and I have no idea what to do about it.

[...] And I feel selfish for feeling that way. [...] He wasn't my brother or my boyfriend. I should be able to deal with it on my own. I have so much other shit to worry about. I shouldn't have to bug you because I'm sad about Gavin.

Edited 2023-09-30 04:37 (UTC)

~~I didn't think you'd actually~~

[...]

It's not selfish. You were one of his best friends. ~~He liked you better than he ever liked m~~ [...] And it makes sense that on a day that evokes strong memories, you'd seek commiseration from someone else who loved him, even if that person happens to be me. So let's be logical about this. You say you should be able to deal with it on your own, but isn't dealing with it on your own exactly why you feel isolated? Weren't you also dealing with it alone when you cut everyone off? If the reasonable methods you've tried thus far aren't serving you, then it follows that the solution lies in doing something unreasonable.

~~I'm not~~ ~~I don't know how to~~ ~~What if you forgot about being responsible and~~ [...] Sorry. I wish you had someone better to talk to too.