imaginist | ic spam @e.waldinger

Never a good place to be on Thanksgiving.

It's normal. I kind of wish it was worse.

Pro: I drove here, and staying sober means we can make a quick getaway. Con: Getting drunk would make it harder for me to distinguish lies.

Because it's not as good a story, or because you don't have a good excuse not to visit again?

You can get an uber.

The second thing, I guess. It makes me feel like I'm the problem in the situation.

I'd still have to come back for the car.

You're not. Unless you're talking about how our society expects children to forgive their fathers even when they're not sorry, in which case, yes, you are.

I'm sorry you're being forced to be responsible.

I haven't been doing that. I think I'm being acceptably polite.

It's fine. Today has been, if nothing else, illuminating.

That could mean so many things coming from you. Are you being charming or are you being yourself?

What have you learned?

Not a very nice thing to ask.

That my parents are being honest when I used to think they weren't being honest, and they lie when I used to think they weren't lying.

You can be somewhat curt. Which I find unbelievably charming, I assure you.

Terrible way to figure out you're a bad judge of character. I'm sorry. [...] Maybe they don't know they're lying.

I know. If you had implied you don't find me charming I'd have given you a much harder time about it.

I imagine they don't. [...] It's laughably naive, but I assumed that the cruel things they'd say were simply... their sense of humour. A power play. As you well know, I say rude things all the time without meaning it. But no. They really do find me unpleasant.

You're funny, in an unexpected way. I'm sure your father's new family likes you.

Too bad their good taste in wine doesn't apply to everything.

I think they do. [...] Can I say one rude thing?

Excusing myself to steal a bottle was a welcome break from this party. They still haven't served dinner, if you can believe it. My theory is that they want to see who'll break first under torture.

Oh, always.

You haven't eaten yet? I ate four and a half hours ago.

The two kids are very cool but their names are Paysleigh and Blakeslee.

You see why I don't want to partake in the limitless wine. The hors d'oeuvres trays were emptied hours ago, as people desperately tried to stave off hunger with insubstantial little couscous cucumber bites. Occasionally, someone notices that a single vegan meatball somehow escaped the carnage, but it only turns into air and broken dreams in their mouths. As you can imagine, the vibes are deteriorating.

Did you dare ask why it's "Blakeslee" and not "Blakesleigh"?

Order pizza.

I didn't, but it's going to bother me for the rest of my life.

You've already forgotten what Waldingers are like. This is a test. I'm not about to show weakness.

The fiancée doesn't possess terribly good judgement, huh?

No, I remember. I'm just beholden to remind you it's a little silly, sometimes.

I don't know. Her online soap business is paying the bills.

It's a documented phenomenon that people undergo a type of emotional regression during the holidays when returning to their childhood home. If I were behaving like a reasonable adult, I would've left already.

An entrepreneur and the breadwinner. Just how did your father win her over?

And they've gotta serve dinner soon, I guess. You've almost made it.

He's actually charming. It's his worst quality by far.

Almost. In the meantime, I have you to bring me down to earth.

That explains so much about you. What's it like, being around him again?

Happy to be a distraction.

Does it? [...] Sometimes it seems like he's grown up a lot and sometimes it feels a lot like it did when I was a kid. Which wasn't always bad. [...] I think I am going to leave tonight, though.

It does. You are stubbornly resistant to people trying to charm you.

Maybe you can take the good parts and leave behind the bad. [...] You're going to your foster family's after, right?

I'm just prone to assuming they're full of shit, mostly.

For a day or two a year, I can. [...] Yeah. They're out in your direction.

You'd be right, mostly. But that only makes it more rewarding when you fall for my shit.

Alas, my flight back to Vermont is in the morning. We'll miss each other.

You are [...] uncommonly clever.

Bad planning.

ic spam @e.waldinger

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